Thanks to all of you for being here. Please know I am hanging in,
and so grateful to have this venue to express myself creatively, even in the difficult moments.
Although, most often, I enjoy escaping into fun and fantasy through my blog-work,
I also believe an important part of my healing process is to remain honest and open with all of you.
This artistic self-portrait and poem was composed this past Tuesday.
My healing lens, tripod and pen helped me to confront
the physical pain and emotion I was facing that day, head-on.
The yogic pose I assumed for this shot, Shavasana , was unplanned,
but later held significant meaning in terms
Sometimes Inspiration finds us through our courage to embrace and express where
we are at any given moment, even if it is not where we want to be.
From there we can continue our journey forward…lighter,
and with more ease, and grace.
It means a lot to me, to have such genuine friendship and support, and a safe place to turn while
I’m working through the tough times. Thanks to each of you for your sensitive presence, and shared talents,
which remind me daily that I’m so much more than the physical challenges.
I Remain Hopeful!
This was heartfelt and so well written. Sending love and hugs, praying and hoping the new week is better. Thanks for sharing this
September 22, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Thank you so much boomie ~ I do appreciate! Yes – no question ‘heartfelt’ and difficult to publish, but am approaching healing efforts from all angles these days! So grateful for your loving well wishes!! Much Love ~ Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 12:04 AM
Robyn….your world is my world. So many of those poignant words are the same ones i use. I often feel a bit of hope in the mornings that today will hold something new for me but often that fades as the day progresses….bless your heart, i’m holding you in love and light until the pain goes away and you are given your life back fully and completely….
September 22, 2012 at 11:42 PM
Little L… thank you dearest one. Do appreciate your loving words – and also feel blessed that others can understand from their own personal perspective. Much gratitude and love — and healing wishes always in my heart for you as well ~ xo R
September 23, 2012 at 12:22 AM
Robyn, I appreciate the honesty of this striking post and the courage it would have taken to express these amazing words and the self portrait – so effective. I hope you know what an inspiration you are to all of us – to others who are experiencing terrible physical pain and to those who have different kinds of pain. I think of you all the time and pray for a miracle. Sending you huge love – Juliexxx
September 22, 2012 at 11:53 PM
Oh Julie – thank you so much. Yes, indeed this was a more difficult post to publish and share. After debating keeping it private, I felt it might be important, both for my own processing, and also for others who might be confronting pain in any form. It helped me on Tuesday to pull out the tripod and write, and then reflect… and I actually found improvement by the end of week, so I know it was healthy to explore this. I feel good about being honest and open here – and hope my readers also can see this as a positive step for me. Thank you for your love and wishes — I am holding on to that dearly – and sending same right back your way – every day!
Much Love ~ Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 12:18 AM
Yes, I can see why you hesitated because the image is disturbing but that is a good thing and reminds me of what you said the other day about indifference not being such a good thing to embrace. Much better to be alert and disturbed. Love you Robyn!
September 23, 2012 at 12:23 AM
🙂 Yes …. am a woman of “feeling” and always have been – and would never want to give that up. Feeling is living — though I would happily dump the pain!!! And indifference could never work for me! In the meantime I’ll keep persevering until I figure out how to reclaim my life. As I thought about this image, I felt better about it- knowing that it is actually a healing pose used in yogic practice, thus the title Savasana – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shavasana 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 12:30 AM
Thanks for the link because I know nothing about yoga!
My indifference post was to do with my inlaws who live across the road – hell, I hope nobody thought I meant it re Anthony!
September 23, 2012 at 12:39 AM
yoga was a love of mine since college — when I fell into this pose on Tuesday – it was unplanned – and later realized it was Savasana 🙂 Made me feel better — On you… totally knew it was the inlaws, and knew it was more ‘non-reactivity” you were after — you are not the type to be indifferent about ANYTHING! See how well I know you?! 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 12:41 AM
September 23, 2012 at 12:43 AM
Hang in there Robyn…love and hugs your way.
September 23, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Thank you mindfulness ~ so do appreciate your lovely wishes. I will continue hanging in — not to worry 🙂 xo
September 23, 2012 at 12:33 AM
Bless you for your courage♥
September 23, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Thank you eremophila ~ your words mean a lot to me 🙂 xo
September 23, 2012 at 12:50 AM
praying for you, Robyn. Glad that you could escape into this fantasy world at least for a little while and forget your worries..
September 23, 2012 at 1:02 AM
So lovely nightlake – thank you. Yes, have found that when I can do the creative work, it’s the best medicine of all. Very grateful ~ sending Love, R
September 23, 2012 at 1:03 AM
My brave dear…an inspiration…always, forevermore.xo
September 23, 2012 at 1:16 AM
Thank you Lady Day ~ I think only brave because of the safe-place I have found here with such supportive loving artists like you. This one took a bit, and pushing publish was a trick – but so glad I did! The truth is I am inspired by all those here who are so dear to me ~ xxoo Love and gratitude ~RL
September 23, 2012 at 1:22 AM
It is a counter musing…and yes…hitting publish…always hard for me too. the exposure of the deep, well, now that is a tricky thing, and we all have our own deep. And, it seems, it involves pain one way or another…..The love and gratitude, in equal measure to you.x
September 23, 2012 at 1:42 AM
The only reason why we stay alive through pain is the hope that something would come through that window and gives a meaning to our suffering … You are putting a courageous epic struggle against your pain .. As painful to your friends and readers to live it with, as inspiring it is … and i see no more noble way of doing it ..
The poem is so artistically put .. Intertwining pain with hope .. Broken in word by word rhythm just puts your laborious movements and breathing directly in our senses, just like a trickling drops of water before its last drop .. The hopeful word meanings struggle with the helplessness of line form .. A very delicate portraying of your fight … Just writing this down is painful to me.. Purging …
The photo is all about hope even with this apparently unsettling “scene” .. Planning it is hope.. Setting it is energy.. Massage table against an open window with a lovely lively scene of trees.. Lots of hope.. A cushion in a window , a cosy comfy place I wish I had it … Books were dreams are busy raising hope … The sepia mode gives the feeling of chronicity to your pain and the warmth of hope you carry … And your openness… How remarkable I can see pain leaving your soul between your fingers and flowing hair, hope light is bathing you ..
A masterpiece of Tragedy and Hope ..
Praying for you to have an endless stream of love and hope my dear friend …
September 23, 2012 at 1:39 AM
Tarek, – such a thoughtful comment. Thank you …thank you! You probably know this was not an easy post to publish. Your interpretation makes me feel good about my decision to share. I knew the photo could be construed as dark — and to be honest – I was in a state of despair when I pulled out this tripod on Tuesday – but I was also driven by a very strong force of HOPE .. I said to myself (after a desperate day of suffocation agony, and trying everything I could physically to get relief) — What else can I do? So grabbed the camera and tripod and decided to record the moment.
You are right on target with your vision of the setting – as when I wrote the poem later that night, still in severe pain state – I too honed in on the window– the books… the lightness around me — and peaceful setting. Also my “stillness” in the shot brought me comfort – as I am rarely ever still, since my condition is such that I must constantly brace and guard to hold joints and muscles in the best position.
I keep that therapy table out in my living room here most of the time ~ spend a great deal of time there actually. I also have another table I frequent upstairs in my home, that has more elaborate attachments for pilates type work (which I have not been able to manage since these last surgeries). LOVE that you can see the pain vaporizing through my open fingers, and and head — that is a vision I will hold on to …. as had not observed it myself – so thank you dear one for sharing your wondrous insight. You truly are a remarkable soul for offering me such healing feedback today. I cannot put into words just how much it has meant to me ….truly blessed for making your acquaintance here amongst our “warriors of light’…
Much Love ~RL
September 23, 2012 at 11:16 AM
….and the pain brings new cells of rejuvenation. It is in our hands, when to stop and accept.
Your intense play of words each one should see. Marvelous, Robyn.
I love the picture too — In skin of calmness, and letting go a part. It balances the asana of life.
September 23, 2012 at 1:47 AM
Pawan ~ so touched that you appreciated. I am very grateful for your interpretation of the image as “skin of calmness, and letting go a part.” ~ to me that type of reflection contains the healing benefit of composing this difficult post — to find the peace within the struggle — truly believe that… and am so ready to accept those new cells of rejuvenation you mentioned 🙂 ~ you are a gem – thank you my friend ~ much love, R
September 23, 2012 at 11:37 AM
Oh, you are beautiful. See your voice itself surrenders to the situation, so you are reflecting the true state of being. Keep smiling, Robyn. Always love and blessings for you. 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 1:10 PM
Thank you so much Pawan — you have lifted me up this evening! x
September 23, 2012 at 10:11 PM
So peaceful and lovely.
September 23, 2012 at 3:01 AM
Thank you Andrea ~ blessings and love to you~ R
September 23, 2012 at 10:24 PM
I appreciate that, sweet Robyn. 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 10:35 PM
Oh Robyn, what can I say, to see you prone on a table in a yoga position, I feel your suffering and pain, and wish there was something I could do to help… I watched Linda going through all her difficulties with the chemo and radiation, and had this small prayer printed and placed on the fridge, just to remind us that we were never alone… Your family and friends, as well as your Internet family and friends all pray for you and your health and wish we could take just that small bit away from you. If all of us shared and took that small bit you would not suffer at all.. So try and imagine we have all taken a small bit away…
Hello God I called tonight to talk a little while,
I need a friend who’ll listen to my anxiety and trial.
You see I can’t quite make it through a day just on my own,
I need your love to guide me so I’ll never feel alone.
I want to ask you to keep my family and friends safe and sound,
Come and fill their lives with confidence for whatever fate they’re bound.
Give me faith, Dear God, to face each hour throughout the day,
and not to worry over things I can’t change in any way.
I thank you God for being home and listening to my call,
for giving me such good advice when I stumble and fall.
Your number God is the only one that answers every time,
I never get a busy signal, never had to pay a dime.
So thank you God for listening to my troubles and sorrows.
Good night, God, I love you too, and I’ll call again tomorrow.
September 23, 2012 at 3:09 AM
Dear sweet bulldog – thank you from my heart. I am ever so touched by your continuous outpouring of encouragement and support — even when you are so far from home and very busy with exciting endeavors. I hesitated doing this post – but something inside me really needed to use my creative side in pursuit of relief this way.
I know that all you and Linda have endured and overcome has made you exquisitely sensitive to the challenges of others … truly a beautiful thing. I so appreciate the genuine compassion and empathic spirit you are ~ and without knowing Linda – am certain she too has this same spirit. As for the prayer – it’s beautiful and I will print and place on my kitchen magnetic blackboard (my fridge is wood paneled so no magnets there 🙂 It is such a lovely piece — so simple and yet – so deep. Sending tons of love and blessings to you today and always my friend ~Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Beautifully written with such rawness. You are a brave and strong soul. I am so glad that you share your story with us! Love and light….Millie
September 23, 2012 at 3:32 AM
Oh Millie – thank you for that. It means a great deal to me… I hesitated posting this one – but am feeling confident it was a good decision. Love and Hugs your way dear friend ~ R
September 23, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Aww… it’s beautiful and so full of emotions your writing. I can sense it so deeply. You are such a strong soul Robyn and if creative work is best medicine I wish you a true healing moments! Many hugs to you xxo
September 23, 2012 at 5:59 AM
Poojy – THANK YOU! Very happy you can appreciate the emotional charge here – and how I attempted to channel this into my art. So grateful for your continued love and support as I continue my quest of those healing moments ahead. Hugs and much love ~Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 11:56 AM
same to you my dear Robyn 🙂
October 28, 2012 at 4:30 AM
Pain is such an awful thing to live with. Although we get it under control sometimes, we also have days where no amount of control will work. Where nothing will ease. Your poem describes this perfectly.
Thank you for sharing, and I hope it eases soon
September 23, 2012 at 6:06 AM
Alastair – much heartfelt appreciation for your obvious understanding here. Yes – recovery has been something I have given my all to – but still seems beyond anything I have control over physically. I will continue to do the work though, and am grateful to have this venue to create and connect with other sensitive souls like you. So appreciate all your good wishes ~ R
September 23, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Don’t apologize for the outpouring, Robyn. As I read your words, I wonder (since I don’t know you well) if you’ve always given just so much, and in the past not allowed yourself to receive in return? Is it possible you are being forced to receive love from others, caring from others through your pain? Could the pain possibly stem from the idea that you have to serve others to be worthy of love? I don’t mean to try to read too much into things; we can never know all the answers to where such agony comes from. I just feel so much for your pain, and I like the idea that we can assist healing by confronting possible hurtful ideas. Just a thought Robyn. I’m so sorry that you have to suffer like this. Lots of love always. Yaz
September 23, 2012 at 8:30 AM
Thank you Dear Yaz — I will meditate more on your thoughts here… it is interesting as you are correct in that I love to ‘give’ and it just seems my nature ~ what brings me joy. I am not sure that i’ve blocked receiving though– have always been open that way, at least emotionally. I absolutely feel worthy of being loved — this one I’m sure on!! 🙂 The part about ‘serving others’ — that is interesting though…. I think that I’ve always had a deep desire to do this — though being stuck in the pain-state is not an ideal way… I could do so much more if I was pain free – yes??? Gosh these are such good/deep concepts to contemplate. I have explored some of this over the years – and worked with some wonderful energy/healer teachers. As you say – it is true there is mystery in why certain things happen to us n this lifetime. I so wish I could understand this better. The blog is a unique forum ~ such wonderful people from all over the globe who appreciate or have interest. In the real world though, I don’t find others to be as sensitive or compassionate for the most part. I am blessed to have discovered this alternate world (of sorts)…. learning so much from wise friends like you, and also the artistic expression has helped me a great deal emotionally. Now if I could get the physical body in order… well, you know… So much appreciate your willingness to share and explore — I’m always open ~ Much Love Yaz — Blessings to you, R
September 23, 2012 at 12:12 PM
Hang in There, Robyn.
Always hold Hope in your Heart.
Hope is what makes each day worth Living.
As each round of pain ebbs & flows with the Wind, allow a tiny piece of pain to be drawn up into the sky and drift away.
One day you’ll wake up and find a larger piece of the Pain has flown away and there is less Pain remaining. Keep that thought in your mind evey day.
Love & Healing thoughts from across the miles
PS Almost forgot – Love the photo. The monochrome is just perfect. It’s like a reflection of your Life. At the moment, your life is only one small portion of a rainbow. You can only see & feel in monochrome, but that doesn’t mean that the other colours of the Rainbow don’t exist. The full range of colours is always there, your body just can’t quite see them at this time in your Life.
Remember…….the Rainbow is ALWAYS THERE……..
September 23, 2012 at 9:09 AM
Oh Victoria – such a comforting comment and beautiful imagery you have shared. I will hold that close — The RAINBOW IS ALWAYS THERE!!
I do love that — and I think you are right — when I chose this color scheme after working with antique and full color – I think on some unconscious level I was feeling exactly what you describe… limited in my current state to see and feel all the hues of that rainbow – though knowing in my higher self that they are there for me. It’s a wonderful analogy to meditate on . Thank you dear friend… your words mean the world to me to day. Will keep nurturing the ‘hope’ ~ Much Love and wellness to you always ~RL
September 23, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Robyn Lee ……
How authentic and REAL ……………
OPEN HEART – “calling on compassion ” wow ………
THIS IS YOU – FULL ON OPEN HEART YOU 🙂
amazing amazing …………..
Open To al that is Good 🙂
that’s How i see it xx
You will get through all this ….. nanosecond by nanosecond ……
I know that You will …..
what can i send you – JUST LOVE AND MORE LOVE XX
ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED AN EAR XX
REMEMBER LOVE IS THE ONLY THING THAT TRULY HEALS 🙂
NATURE – LIKE YOUR OCEAN AND FEELING LOVED BEYOND EVERY THING 🙂
🙂 LOVE YOU ROBYN LEE
LAVENDER SIS XX
September 23, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Thank you dear sweet Cat— so happy you can feel the open heart in me through this post… Yes – I call on compassion — my inner ‘compassion angel’ who gets me through these rough spots when all else fails me. The breath takes me to her — and most of the time I land in a slightly better place. As you say “nanosecond by nanosecond” ~ I will forge forward on my journey with hope and love. Very blessed to have such loving support here… you are a love – and I so appreciate xxooo Lavender hugs – and kisses too! x
September 23, 2012 at 12:27 PM
awwwwwwwwwwwwww xx that is so beautifullllllll
love love love xo open heart xo
September 23, 2012 at 12:51 PM
Bravo, Robyn…such courage to expose your raw pain so beautifully here…you’ve broken through yet again and I believe and know that the more we confront that invisible pain the more healing comes our way…so brave..so beautiful…takes my breath away….xoxmeryl
September 23, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Thank you so much Meryl. So glad this resonated with you … and you found the post moving as well. Yes, I do believe healing on many levels to confront our “shadows” — and yes – the invisible pain that is physical as well as emotional. It’s all good– it’s all the work. I feel good about my risky post ~ so appreciate your support on this ~Much Love Always, Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 4:52 PM
I am so proud of you I could just burst (noone but you may get this but you do Robyn) Brava! Brilliant, I knew it was needful…you…you knew it was needful, like releasing long held air from inside. So very well done, I could feel the release from inside to outside all the way over here. Loud and clear. Those endless days of pain, those moments when it is just all too much and even though there are others around you (you feel so damn alone it seems, with the pain), it is just too, too much to bear. And then there is the beauty within, the gentle loving nature that nurtures with a strength that would take anyone’s breath away should they really understand what you accomplished in that moment. I understand! You understand! This is a masterpiece. The struggle within is always so much greater than the struggle without. Thank you for trusting, thank you for sharing all that you are. With deep love and respect for you, my dearest, dearest friend across the miles. I am most exceedingly proud of you! My heart to yours ~ Penny
September 23, 2012 at 11:29 AM
Thank you so much Penny… You know how much I appreciate our friendship and all your encouragement — this was tough to publish – but, as you said – needful ~ and impetus for some level of release. I do know you UNDERSTAND and have lived your own journey through pain and chronic medical challenges…. really you are an inspiration to me. You are correct about the sense of aloneness that comes with this territory — and I’ve actually come to welcome the aloneness in some ways, as I often feel like an alien-woman in this body 🙂 Still ~ so wonderful to come here and connect with others, like you, who are somehow able to visit my planet once in a while – and lift me up. Maybe it is about the creativity — the common, intimate bond I think we all share here. Very special. So happy you could appreciate the artistic expression of a delicate/personal subject, and it’s healing value too — and just so grateful for all your love and shared wisdom daily… Much Love, Gratitude and HUGS x ~ Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 8:44 PM
Thank you Robyn ~ you are much loved here in the virtual world. Your due I think, for that which you share with others. All my love to you this day, and of course many hugs, Penny xxoxx
September 23, 2012 at 8:51 PM
It feels rather odd to “like” this. It’s like saying I like knowing you’re in pain. But I don’t. I like it for how raw and real and relatable it is. Yoga does wonders. Hope it works for you. Really hope you’ll feel better with each passing day.
September 23, 2012 at 11:31 AM
Rynna – thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. Yes, I really do appreciate your ‘like’ button press 🙂 and understand the ways in which you did appreciate. Means a lot to me that you can sense the honesty and emotion here… truly. Do love yoga, though limited these days as to postures ~ but Savasana is certainly a “go to” pose for restoration and rebalancing…. may get back to my Kundalini yoga which is more about internal breath work and energy movement ….Gratitude and Love to you!! Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 10:23 PM
I haven’t been practicing yoga in years. Trying to look for a good place to go to soon. I found one where they do something called Hot Yoga. That’s yoga in a room set at 35 to 40 degrees. Apparently the warmer you are, the more flexible you become.
I find music very healing as well. I have a friend who composes his own piano pieces. I’ve put up his latest video on my blog. It would mean the world to me if you could have a listen and leave your thoughts. It’s a birthday surprise for him. Thanks in advance!
Sending you peace love and sunshine,
September 24, 2012 at 6:19 AM
Of course! Will definitely be over soon! Excited to share… I also find music soothing and healing! Looking forward!–x R
September 24, 2012 at 10:12 AM
everything here is beautiful. it makes me want to come back. i loved your poem. i love the part at the end when you point out how consoling our the rhythm of our breathing can be. It’s such a powerful built in mechanism for us to comfort ourselves through the worst kinds of pain. thanks for sharing.
September 23, 2012 at 12:00 PM
Oh Sarah – thank you so much — yours is a wonderful comment to read. I hesitated sharing this post, as I did not know if it would be distasteful for others, especially newer followers … and feel relieved that you felt it was palatable and even beautiful. Pain is a hard topic to create beauty around… but this was a good exercise for me in the moment, and perhaps that was reflected in the post in a positive way… And YES – I agree with you — breathing is hugely powerful. I rely on the breath often – and know it is what connects us to our deepest self. Much Love and Gratitude to you ~ Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 10:32 PM
My wish is only that you may find peace, a place bereft of pain, a place of beauty and joy.
September 23, 2012 at 12:06 PM
So much gratitude George ~ Your wish for me is a beautiful notion -and I will hold these words dear to me ~ much love and peace to you my friend ~ Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 10:46 PM
I’m sure that your ability, through your pain, to express how you are feeling, to write such deeply moving poetry and create such stunning photos, is a tremendous help to so many. Your courage knows no bounds Robyn and I feel so fortunate to be a part of your journey. You give us all strength. Blessings to you Robyn for days filled with hope, with no physical pain. 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 1:30 PM
LuAnn – Truly grateful for your wonderful comment today. I so hope you are right – and my work can help others in some small way. When I looked for art and poetry around the theme of chronic physical pain and illness – I really could not find very much that resonated with me … and thus, wanted to be able to lend a voice of my own using the photography and then my writing. It is difficult to open myself up to this extent, but have found such a warm and supportive community here with compassionate souls like yourself , that I feel comfortable sharing and have been encouraged in so many ways. I am so blessed to know you LuAnn — thank you for your wonderful wishes ~ and blessings to you and yours always! x R
September 23, 2012 at 11:40 PM
I love you, I lie beside you, I give all of my Souls Light to give peace and Love to you and my Spirit to hold Wings, just like your own, so bright and dear to fold softly round and give relief to all that wounds, pains and suffers, I pray all Love softly lift your suffering and fill you only with sweet Joy, the ease of all that you Dream…know that if you do suffer, you Heal on behalf of All, no One is Alone, no One suffers or weeps Alone, never a holy sacred One such as You. If is is to be even for an Hour a day or more, It in Known, seen, embraced by the Wings of the Dear Ones the do See You and Hold you so Close in Love, knowing each whisper…each prayer and word. Never Alone…Never unheard. Mortal Pain…sometimes endured by Old and great souls, we dont always understand at the time…but our God our Compassion and Spirit knows and hears. I love you with everything….Linda
September 23, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Dear Linda — Oh my … what a purely divine comment … it left me with such tremendous sense of connectedness…and truly took my breath away for just a moment or so… I will be printing this one out for reflection and strength. Very special. I do often contemplate “Mortal Pain” and its meaning… There must be a meaning ~ but as you say, we don’t always understand in this lifetime. Can feel your Soul’s Light Linda – and it shines so brightly upon my own — reflecting your brilliance and pure intent — very touched and grateful — I breathe deep now – as I feel your love and send my love to you ~ Blessings and heartfelt gratitude ~ Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 12:07 AM
i can see the agony in your photo and my heart goes out to you. i’m so very sorry you’re suffering. thank you for sharing this part of you xo
September 23, 2012 at 1:57 PM
Thank you dear Buck …I do appreciate – yes this was difficult to share – and I know you have also shared some of yourself bravely on your blog. I do believe our courage in confronting our shadows is healing. I am grateful to have such a supportive community here with friends like you~ blessings and love to you always dear one x Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 12:11 AM
thank you and same to you xo
September 24, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Oh Robyn. Your post brought me to tears. Hope. A word you have used more than once in your beautiful poetry. This post made me think of a verse from the Bible – “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” – Proverbs 13:12. Keep that hope, harbor it deep within you and it will see you through. Another verse I thought of as I was running this afternoon, just after reading your poem, was Jeremiah 29:11 – ” “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ” Again the word hope. But, that isn’t it. The reason this verse came to mind was the word plan. You have such a gift with words. I’m thinking that God’s plan for you was to use your gift of words, to transfer them from your loving heart, through your finger tips, to paper, to inspire others, to share your love, and to give others hope. Keep using your gift to heal, to cope, to move through each day and never forget that you are helping others along your journey.
The self-portrait is magnificent. So creative. So thought provoking. You are so beautiful. Even in your state of internal suffering, the external you, is beautiful and appears to be strong and healthy. I hope that you can see this and use the appearance of health and strength, to internalize it, to see you through this challenging, painful time.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. XOXO Robyn
September 23, 2012 at 2:41 PM
Dear dear Robyn… this comment just touched me in so many ways… you are a kind and loving soul and I so appreciate. Yes – the hope – -the tree of life – I know this is true… so many times it has returned when I thought it was gone — I will continue to nurture it… As for the “plan” ~ my words as a gift – this is a new concept to me. I am so incredibly honored to know you feel my gift, my words can have this kind of impact – to help others cope and heal – to feel connected – to feel heard. It is true (as I just mentioned to LuAnn) that when I sought out poetry and even quotes on this topic of coping with chronic pain/illness, there was not a lot that lent a strong voice — that offered raw honesty and also hopefulness. Gosh if I could do that even in the smallest way, it would be an incredible accomplishment I’d be forever proud of. Thank you for this wonderful vision. I so value your opinion re: the photography and self-portrait. It was done spontaneously and only 2 “takes” using my tripod and self-timer with my Canon S100. The pose was so unplanned — and just what came naturally to me at that moment – after battling the pain most of that day. The words came that night… still in pain – and then revised a few days later in a better state. I suppose this post was meant to happen.
Oh and lastly, Thank you also for your lovely words re: my beauty and external reflection of health and strength. I do often use the mirror to try to convince myself that the pain is not real – but unfortunately – this old strategy has not been very helpful lately as I learned that quite often severe pain is quite invisible — but I won’t give it up, as I am intrigued with the mirrors and shadows, and self-portrait work, as you know — just something introspective about this kind of art… and yes – healing indeed!! Much Love dearest Robyn — you are another sparkling star in the galaxy of my life here… xxoo RL
September 24, 2012 at 12:33 AM
Power n happiness surround you 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 5:51 PM
Thank you dearest Mani — open to receive — Much Love ~ R
September 24, 2012 at 12:36 AM
This speaks volumes. What powerful words and a powerful photograph. (off topic— love your taste in decor) I could relate to your poem….for me it is more the pain of my mind and those days I try to do and practice all the skills I know, to no avail. I so get you, sea sis, and my heart cried over this poem; though I know this is part of your healing journey, and am so thankful you have a community online that supports you and family at home. Hugs and much healing love. ~ Sam 🙂
September 23, 2012 at 6:16 PM
Thank you dear wonderful Sam. I know you can identify with the struggle – even if in a different brand of pain — there is shared emotion that is very much the same. Yes — very grateful for the love I feel which sustains me…. Sending hugs and hoping your virus is nearly extinct by now!! xxoo R
September 24, 2012 at 12:22 PM
I am continually in awe and inspired by you and your immense strength. I know how hard this must have been to share…I am SO glad you did!!! I do hope it brought healing with it. There was a comment above where the pain was leaving you through this scene….that is what I pray for you daily!! I know the struggle with the publish button (as Í’ve said before) but wow….I’m just so in awe of your words, your photo, your strength to not only keep your positive attitude but also for your hope and loving kindness….you shine so so so bright beloved friend!! You are such a blessing to so many!! I hope and pray the outpouring of love from all your friends in offline and onlilne life fill you with some reprieve from this onlsaught!! Sending so so much love and healing energy to you cherished beloved friend!!! ♥♥♥♥!!!!!
September 23, 2012 at 10:46 PM
Oh thank you Christina… I too loved that Tarek shared his vision of the pain evaporating – leaving me through my open fingers and hair… It is such a lovely visualization for me – a gift I will hold on to, and work with as I continue on this crazy journey. I am so grateful to you too for seeing this possibility for me. And yes– difficult to expose this depth of pain and the intimate toll it takes on me daily, but thankfully feel safe enough here to process this with such a wonderful and sensitive artistic group of friends. Very fortunate for this….and especially for YOU ~ Thank you for your unyielding love and support dearest beloved Christina — you too are another ‘Warrior of Light’ in my life… Love to you Always, R
September 24, 2012 at 12:28 PM
Oh I LOVE that Warrior of LIght….yes!! Beloved soul sister….I am so grateful for you!! Here always hoping, praying and sending so so so much love, prayers, and healing energy!! I am so very hopeful this week is better than last week!! You are always in my thoughts,prayers, and in my heart ♥♥♥♥!!!!!
September 25, 2012 at 10:55 PM
xxooo Thank you so much Christina — You know I feel the same — Sending big hugs and Love ….
September 26, 2012 at 8:35 PM
I can’t hold back my comments any longer! I know you understand why I did, your amazing followers have so lovingly proved that what I said was true….I told you I would love this post of yours. I just had no idea I would be so moved by it. Even in your pain Robyn, your amazing and beautiful soul shines through. I should also mention, that I an blind to the darkness you spoke of about this image…..it is of you. 🙂 ! And it is an “alter ego” of sorts….you know my heart goes out to you, and will always be bringing light and strength your way. Your talent is genuine, your words and your images blend and complement each other so well, they only pale …in comparison,to you dear friend.
September 23, 2012 at 10:50 PM
So thrilled to hear from you Stan… despite the emotional or physical pain… I love to be able to share with you artistically — knowing your appreciation for the photographic artistry!! ‘Blindness to the darkness’… such a beautiful thing for you to express. Thank you dear Stan… as this was rather intimate for me to ‘put out there’ it means a lot to know you can see the light come through in my work. You are a gem – and a wonderful encouragement — Much Love dear friend ~ R
September 24, 2012 at 12:34 PM
You’ve brought us into your pain.. through it and released us again. I am in awe of your courage and your poetic talent. I will pray you have a gentle week. xx
September 24, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Thank you so much Barbara — the last thing I want to do is bring any ouf you wonderful people into my pain 😦 but that said, I hope I have been able to offer a voice to the plight, in the most delicate and gentle way I can find, thorugh my own artistic and healing expression. Your comment has made me feel that I may have achieved this … and so very grateful to you for sharing this, and for your loving wishes ~ much love to you and yours ~ and sugar cookies too xxoo R
September 24, 2012 at 3:16 PM
please breathe in and out as deeply as you can Robyn …. absorb some sunshine if possible at least 15 to 20 minutes a day, it has magical healing powers …. these two basics, oxygen and sunshine are essential …. build upon these when able, harness as much creative energy as you can …. my thoughts and prayers are with you as always my friend,
September 24, 2012 at 1:10 AM
Oh yes Jim — the breath.. it is my salvation – truly. I am going out in the yard in a few to absorb your prescribed dose of sunshine… and you know how much I appreicate you dearest friend … I am keeping my will and spirit — no worries… and new surgeon cosult tomorrow too… will be working from every angle…. Much Love and gratitude xxoo R
September 24, 2012 at 3:19 PM
Hi Robyn, I thought I would say hello. This is a very beautiful and heart-warming poem. Nice photograph as well. I wish you all the best in your healing journey.
September 24, 2012 at 8:28 AM
So lovely to hear from you Walter… I am happy you were touched by the post ~ a creative effort in my healing process I am hoping. Sending warm thoughts your way today ~ Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 3:21 PM
I am breathless dear robyn….this is so gorgeous and i can so connect. I am going to reblog this….and this is going to be my first poem to be reblogged…..for i am speechless.
September 24, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Oh drsuraiya ~ so very very honored. It means sooo much to me that you felt this worthy of reblogging, and as your first-ever reblogged piece. It was extremely emotional for me to compose…. raw and real – and so very personal…but I know there are others who face this plight — and both for my own processing, and simply to lend a gentle voice to everyone else who understands it… I felt strongly that I should publish. So pleased you could connect and appreciate that…. Much Love, Blessings and healing thoughts to you and yours today dear friend… x Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 3:32 PM
This was a magnificient piece my dear Robyn….and so much more….no dictionary of words could describe the beauty of this poem for me.
I thankyou for writing such an utterly wholly touching poem. Reading it made my day. I am strongly grateful to you for publishing it. It has become the jewel of my blog- the absolute diamond.
I pray for you dear that you recover soon and the clouds vanish away as if they never appeared. Please, call me Suraiya only as i consider you a friend too.
Peace and prayers,
September 24, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Suraiya ~ just made my day to receive this feedback from you dear friend… Exquisitely touched by your sentiments – and just so happy I could offer something that had this kind of impact. Very grateful for your prayers and warm thoughts — and wishing you only the most abundant health and joy always ~ Much Lovex R
September 24, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Reblogged this on Paper Butterfly and commented:
This touched me to the core of my heart and made me breathless….I feel like a butterfly who found her very own rose.
September 24, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Gratutude and Love dr suraiya! xo
September 24, 2012 at 3:42 PM
This is so personal…so raw, genuine, stunningly fragile and powerful at the same time. There is so much light in you, even right before the dawn. Love, E.
September 24, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Dear E …. so very touched by your comment… yes, very personal, and diffiiuclt to expose this much of my most fragile self -but hoping my work can offer healing … processing… a voice in someway to those of us dealing with such a plight. I thank you for your beautiful words today — and yes, each dawn offers the potential to begin again … this I know. xo Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Continued prayers – and hugs! Blessings ~ Patty
September 24, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Apprciate you so much dear Patty ~ Thank you!! xo R
September 24, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Robyn I love that photo and the poem really expresses what you are feeling and going through.
September 24, 2012 at 11:02 AM
Thank you Renee… this was a very spontaneious attempt at artistic healing therapy in the midst of the pain. I am so glad you appreicated! Sending Love and Hugs ~ R
September 24, 2012 at 3:41 PM
im so sorry for your chronic pain. wis i could take it away.
September 24, 2012 at 3:12 PM
Kharma – thank you so kindly — I appreciate your very supportive comment ~ will continue on the healing journey and keep faith. Sending good thoughts your way ~ RL
September 24, 2012 at 3:49 PM
….and I’ll continue reading your excerpts and supporting you!
September 24, 2012 at 5:26 PM
Thank you dear Kharma.
September 24, 2012 at 9:57 PM
Dear, dear friend,
Once again your words bring me to tears. You have such an amazing talent in expresses yourself and making others/me feel each statement. You put my feelings into words for me so many times! I think of you often and wish you peace from your pain. Take care dear friend. Love and hugs to you x
September 24, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Oh Elizabeth — thank you so much… I know you understand on a very deep level what this piece is all about. Just knowing that you felt it accomplished my goal of lending a voice to the plight some of us face, a kind and hopeful voice – but also honest and real… That means the world to me. I hesitated posting this as it is stronger and more raw than most of my other work, but felt compelled to share it for many reasons. I am sending you warm loving healing wishes today and always ~ x R
September 24, 2012 at 3:46 PM
This is so beautifully and eloquently written! Hoping you will see better days soon.
I was emotional reading this for a couple of reasons: because of the deep pain you are feeling, and because it felt like you were articulating many of the feelings in my own mind and body.
Sending you healing thoughts.
September 24, 2012 at 6:33 PM
Oh Fergi — thank you so much. You are not the first who has expressed being able to connect with this piece on a personal level. Do you suffer with daily pain that is debilitating? Gosh –I hope not dear friend… Will send out healing prayers just for you this evening. Very happy that this piece wa able to lend a voice to those who do face this challenge ~ in whatever form. Makes me feel good that I did post it, as was hesitant. Much Love and blessings ~ R
September 24, 2012 at 9:56 PM
Pingback: Time Heals « I Miss Me, Too
Pat thank you for this ping-back! Your post “Time Heals” – was extremely touching and brought back many of the thought processes I’ve experienced through my now 19 years of chronic pain/disablity issues. So much appreciate this link to your wonderful article — xxoo Sending Love and Blessings ~ Robyn
September 24, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Dear Robyn, so far I have not often commented on your posts, but now I can not resist, and I wish to say a few words about the impressions that I’ve carried away from this oasis of freedom of expressing your thoughts, words and deeds .. Firstly I must stress that I find great honor and feel comfortable doing so aggravates the fact that you could find here in this world, magical fairy tales, fables which the world has yet to pročita.Vaši artworks are special and in several layers of artistic interest, of course now I will not go in detail and describe what that every time I come here, experiencing. I will say true beauty of your spirit very nicely outlined in our daily lives, so here and here in this virtual world, I’m going a long, long pilgrimage to the vastness of your soul and to enjoy its beauty Možada I will not comment, but please know that your comments and special to you from my heart I wish a lot of good things like. Thank you.
September 25, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Oh Stefan — you are sooo dear to take the time to comment, and in such a loving way. “this oasis of freedom of expressing thoughts, words, and deeds” — really did touch me. I am so glad you enjoy the blog here — my healing lens.. and feel comfortable — very honored and privileged to have you visit. I can feel your warmth and love – and want you to know how much I appreciate… Very specie lot me too… Blessings and Love to you always ~ RL
September 25, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Heya sista i am so happy to see your poem…you are such a lovely brave soul…fighting with such calmness gathering your thoughts your inner strength and continuing the walk …
Big big big hugs n tons of love 🙂
September 25, 2012 at 3:16 AM
Hey there Soma sista 🙂 Thank you! I’m happy you got to see my humble attempt at creating art from pain… Yes – I will continue the journey the best way I can figure out… today I saw a surgeon who informed me I have a condition of my hip I was not aware of… still trying to process it — and will have to get more opinions… we march on — Biggest Hugs to you to dear soul ~ much Love xxooo
September 25, 2012 at 10:43 PM
Wow… this is very deep, Your strength through it all inspires me so much. I’m so glad you had the courage to share such a personal reflection. Healing vibes and blessings! Natalie
September 25, 2012 at 3:26 PM
Thank you so very much Natalie ! Yes — will need to keep calling on strength — just got more news today— another hip condition I was not aware I had — hoping solutions will come — the post was healing and hope helpful for others who can learn or relate too… Blessings and Love, Robyn
September 25, 2012 at 10:20 PM
I’m praying for more healing for this new condition… Your surrender and calmness in the poem is really astounding, Robyn… wish I had more of that. I’m sure many people will be inspired by this, I sure was. It’s such a beautiful message of hope. Love and Hugs!
September 27, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Thank you so much dearest Natalie. I so appreciate that! Took a bunch to post this one – but the feedback told me that it was the right thing. I just got a note from someone from a hip dysplasia forum who urged me to post it there – where lots of young women are able to relate – and feel validated and not alone…. I am thinking about it.
You be well – and sending love and hugs your way too! xo R
September 27, 2012 at 6:52 PM
My friend Robyn, the time has passed very quickly and I could not visit your blog. You’re always on my mind, got here today and I’m amazed at these words and growing success, people see your message, being true and real … your learning is an example for many who complain about minor things and so many learn that energy always switch to life, with all the good and bad. It is part of the way.
Thanks Robyn for everything.
September 25, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Carlos dear friend… thank you so much ~ I hope all is well by you — and so appreciate that I’m in your thoughts even when time/distance is between us… Yes – this particular post was a difficult one to share -but it was also something I wanted to do — to stay honest and open, to let others encountering their own brand of pain know that they are not alone… and to also help myself through a particularly rough spell. I agree — life is to be lived – savored – enjoyed and cherished — every moment that we can. You are a special soul dear Carlos – I so appreciate xo R
September 26, 2012 at 12:33 AM
Beautiful Robyn….as you speak so dearly from your heart and body. Yes, to remain hopeful. I am hopeful for you every day. Know for whatever suffering you have…your suffering blesses us, as we are touched by your grace, your words, and your deep beauty. Blessings friend, Erin
September 26, 2012 at 12:05 AM
Thank you so much dear Erin… this post came from a very deep place – of pain – but also hope — I tried to lend a kind and gentle voice to those of us who face this plight of pain in our lives, and it helped me to transform it into an artistic medium in many ways…. I will continue on my journey and feel so blessed to have the support and encouragement of friends like you ~ Blessings and Love ~ Robyn
September 26, 2012 at 12:36 AM
Feels like really tough times, and yet, at the same time the words does bring some resolve or describe a way to healing. The words and the pictures speaks from the heart to the heart. Despite the despair behind them both they are also beautiful in their expressions. May it all be better at some point!
September 27, 2012 at 7:21 AM
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and lovely comment munchow. Yes — this piece was definitely a healing practice for me… painful to do – but also offering me a way to artistically express and release the pain and frustration in a healthy way. I feel very fortunate to have this venue to share my work, and connect with others at the same time. Truly a gift as I navigate through these challenges. So appreciate your kind words today ~ Blessings to you and yours, Robyn
September 27, 2012 at 1:34 PM
My dear Robyn, it’s taken me awhile to be able to write something, because your words made me weep. I’ve read them over and over, each time sending you waves of love and healing thoughts. You know how much I relate to this and to your deepest pain, dear friend, and my heart aches for your suffering. Looking at your beautiful photo, I can see and feel both the pain and the release, the hope and the determination to let healing energies flow through … and the acceptance of those energies. You are an incredibly strong and courageous woman that I admire greatly – pain may overcome us, it may beat us down and pulverize our bodies until we beg for mercy – but it cannot be victorious over a beautiful and loving soul, and you have that in abundance, dear friend. Know that you are not alone, and that God and the Angels take your hand in love and compassion – as we who love you so much do also. Sending gentle hugs, healing thoughts and prayers your way always. ~ Much love, Julie xoxox
September 27, 2012 at 10:48 AM
Thank you so much Julie — I do know how much you are sensitive to this issue and understand. That means the world to me. I am opening my heart and soul to your healing wishes. I am also sending my strongest prayers out for your wellness and ease in living without pain. I so do agree that the strong and victorious soul cannot be defeated. I often say, “I am so much more than my physical body” because I know there is so much power and charge in calling on spirit. I have made some progress, not in pain management but in finding a larger condition at play that is likely responsible for much of my pain and disability… just learned I have hip dysplasia on Tuesday. Perhaps this is the first step toward some kind of plan for resolution… though so much still to investigate. Sending you love and gentle hugs right back — So do appreciate your loving friendship — xxoo Robyn
September 29, 2012 at 2:12 AM
absolutely fabulous powerful
September 27, 2012 at 5:44 PM
So very touched by your comment The Silver Poet – thank you ~ with Love, R
September 27, 2012 at 11:12 PM
In pain, I read this. I don’t want anyone to be in pain. I don’t seem to have much say in the Universe, but I do say “Heal”. Hugs!
September 29, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Oh Resa you are a doll – thank you sweet friend… I am managing ~ — and maybe getting closer to solutions. My eclectic post here was just more therapy for me — it’s all good and I do love YOU for being YOU xo
September 29, 2012 at 7:08 PM
Likewise, beautiful Robyn! xo
September 30, 2012 at 1:11 PM
Robyn, you inspire me… I needed some hope today and your post showered it in such wonderful way. I do not have words exactly, but I see lights flecking and pouncing from above like tiny flashes of goodness. That is what I saw reading your words. I hope you are well, continually thinking of you and hoping for some of those golden flecks to splash you with healing and smiles. Much love, Angel
September 29, 2012 at 4:09 PM
Angel thank you so much… I can feel the golden flecks — and they are lovely and delightful. Healing too! I am blessed to have this gift today from you ~ Much Love and gratitude RL x
September 29, 2012 at 7:06 PM
I pray for your pain!!!! It is a helpless feeling… I want to say something more… to send a pill or a link or a miracle that can make it better for you. My mom had polio when she was little. She had a bone taken from her leg and put into her back to make it straight… I don’t think I ever understood pain until I fell on my arm a few months ago…. which to even mention here is like an insult to your pain but it gave me a smidgen of a taste of what true pain is. Your energy surrounding your situation is inspiring. Your words are like magnets making me follow your journey with you. Thank you for sharing.
September 30, 2012 at 3:50 AM
Thank you sincerely… Yes – chronic physical pain tests the strongest of souls. Oh you are too sweet, how I wish you had the magic pill! 🙂 I am so sorry to hear of your Mom’s plight ~ and also about your fall which resulted in such pain for you personally. It is one of those things that is very hard to understand unless you have lived it. Even with me — I thought I knew pain say 10 years ago– when things were very bad, but now another 9 years later — I realize that was relative, and I had no idea just how much more difficult things could get. Nonetheless, I am continuing to hold onto hope, and just last week there was a new finding (hip dysplasia) so perhaps will lead to some solution . So happy to have you here, and send you love and blessings for joy and wellness always ~ Robyn
September 30, 2012 at 8:08 PM
Really feeling for you here Robyn. I am rather late in replying as I’ve been out of action. Sending much love to you for better days, or even moments in days. Love Ruth xx
September 30, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Thank you dear Ruth. I hope you are holding your own too. Never worry about being late … always happy when you visit, but I certainly know what it means to be ‘out of action’ too! On my end some new insight this week with a dx of Hip Dysplasia (very shallow sockets causing frequent dislocation of femur)… maybe some solution in my future — I am hoping. Stay strong ~ Much Love, R
September 30, 2012 at 7:56 PM
Robyn, I very much hope for that for you – a glimmer of hope is something good to have. Keep me updated (mail anytime.) Take care too and lots of love Ruth xx
October 1, 2012 at 1:03 PM
Thank you for this Ruth… I so appreciate ~ will go listen to your vocals right now actually 🙂 x
October 1, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Wonderful Robyn, to imagine that I am heard across the other side of the world, across a sea that does not divide us xx
October 2, 2012 at 5:48 AM
That is an amazing thought isn’t it?! Wonderful! xo
October 2, 2012 at 11:18 AM
Thanks for stopping by.
October 1, 2012 at 8:02 PM
Thank you … and most welcome Md. Alsanda!
October 1, 2012 at 8:07 PM
Let’s just keep hold of that faith Robyn.x
October 7, 2012 at 1:40 PM
Have been thinking of you Chris… gosh new information on my end– will have to share with you soon. Seems there was good reason my hip issues got worse post-surgery. A bit afraid of what it will mean, but hopeful still – and holding on.. Hope you too!! xo R
October 7, 2012 at 9:26 PM
I know, Robyn.
I know the fear and the dread and the terror
And how depressing it all is.
I know the loneliness of pain.
And I know that on the days that aren’t “as bad” ( are there any good days? ) you are just anticipating the next terrible day.
In your misery though, the least I can offer is that we are here with you.
October 11, 2012 at 9:15 PM
Thank you sweet Frannie … Yes – if anyone could know – it is you. As for ‘good days’ – it is relative now… so if I can stand and get to the post-office, that is a good day. If the pain is not completely choking me – or the joints don’t feel dislocated, even if there is different pain – that is a good day… And yes – the collective support here from you and other ‘angels’ on earth is really the best gift. I am hoping and praying that you are on your way to normalcy too… I’m getting ready to explore your journey I think… but still trying to gain some consensus on my ‘dysplasia’ — and if THR will eliminate pain that is from instability – as opposed to arthritis (which I don’t have)… Any insight always sooooo welcomed from you dearest friend ~~ xxooo Love and hugs , Robyn
October 12, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Cycles of death and rebirth. Yoga gets deeper as do my thoughts every time I take another look. Glad you are who you are. Be blessed dear one. ~ D
October 11, 2012 at 10:05 PM
What a powerful entry. Seems odd to call it beautiful knowing the price you paid in pain. Love, Mindy
October 20, 2012 at 11:03 AM
Oh thank you so much Mindy ~ yes — funny how creativity can be inspired by even pain at times…. Sending lots of LOVE! Robyn
October 20, 2012 at 9:41 PM